Fear....

It amazes me how fear can rule your life. How a certain event can change everything forever. There are approximately 600 named phobias http://www.phobialist.com/. I wanted to just reference a few so I looked them up. I found the list fascinating, so I am including it here. Achluophobia- Fear of darkness could keep you in your home or stranded in a restaurant or a store if you were there too late. And Botanophobia- Fear of plants could make you paralyzed in a grocery store if you wandered to the floral department. Where I am going with this is, I was afraid of the sailboat when I first got her.

It all began when Deb and I decided we needed to take her over to the gas dock and pump out the toilet, or head, as it is called on a boat. We cranked her up, untied her and proceeded to back up. But the boat would not go in forward or stop gping backwards. We were rapidly backing towards other boats, and their motors were sticking out, with sharp prop blades protecting their back ends, and there were the docks between each boat. There were hard things to bang into everywhere and it was coming right at us! Deb sits down and puts her legs out to cushion the impact. I was scared to death she would break her legs. I stood there frightened and paralyzed.

From that moment on, I was scared of the boat as far as driving it. I could sleep in it, sit on it, be around it, but put that key in the ignition and my kneecaps would begin shaking. I could hardly stand thinking about taking her out without getting wound up and sick. I was so sad. Here I was in opposition with myself. Wanting desparately to sail this boat, but I was scared to death to be at the controls. I wanted to sell the boat and give up on this nonsense. Who was I to think that I could afford and handle a sailboat....

Jibsaw Puzzle

So what does a three thousand dollar boat look like? I began my search of the web, marinas and eventually found my way to a sailboat dealer (whom will remain unnamed as I don't want to give him a free plug). I was sent far, far away to Eagle Mountain Lake. It seemed that I drove forever from Dallas to northwest of Fort Worth to find this lake of 9 thousand acres. This was not a 3k boat but about a 6k boat, as the 3k ones were a little small on the inside or they were big enough but frightfully dirty or in disrepair.

This was a 1987 Hunter 26.5. Shane was out with some people trying to get it started as it apparently had been sitting for sometime. She has beautiful lines but those lines were dirty. She needed someone to care for her. She started up and Debby and I, Shane, two of his friends, a child and a dog, all went for a sail on this boat. She was torn apart inside. The counter tops, the trim, the doors, the stairs, even the carpet on the hull in the back of the boat. The thing I didn't know was if all of the parts were there. It wasn't like you could go through everything before you agreed to buying it. We talked them down to $4,250 total, tax, title and they paid the sales tax. She was bought while we were sailing her.

We put her back together over the course to two weekends. She was cleaned up and looked as good as new. We became quite intimate with her as every nook and crany was searched, cleaned and inspected. We found things frequently that began with a sentence such as: "What do you think this is?" LOL You would pick up a piece of wood, for example, that had two round 2 inch holes in the upper left corner and walk around the boat until you figured out where it went. It was a lot of fun and a great way to get familiar with the boat.

Debby had only been around power boat in her youth so the terminology that I was trying to teach her would get mixed up. Mast would come out Mask. Jib would come out Jig. So given she was such a puzzle, we renamed her "Jibsaw Puzzle" and decommisioned "Miss Nomer."

My first night that I slept on the boat I was there alone. I had never been on a boat overnight but I had dreamt of it for a long time. Rocking gently with the motion of the water. The little clanging sounds from the other boats. The sounds of the birds, the waves, the smell of the ocean and wait, this is a mud puddle in Texas. Ok, ok, back to reality. The first night I was memorable.

I had crawled inside after spending the day cleaning the boat on the outside. I was settling down to go to sleep and enjoy the movement, when I felt someone step aboard the boat. It startled me. I was a bit freaked out. Who would just step on to MY boat without asking? I called out "Hello? Who is out there? Can I help you?" I was peaking out the windows, but there was no one there and no one stepped off the boat.

It was a wake that had made its way through the slips and made the boat list from side to side, which to me felt exactly like someone stepping aboard.

Giving My Dream A Voice

It is here that I intend to, as the title says: Give my dream a voice. I hope to put my thoughts into words, those words into plans, execute the plans and LIVE instead of dream. Live my dream. There are those that never leave the couch, those that refuse to dream big, those that die wanting more and those that feel as though they have no right to dream. I do not want to be any of those people. Right now, as a friend so aptly put it, there is nothing sadder than a pirate in port. Tis the sadness that motivates me into action.

The water has called to me all of my life. No matter where I was, if there was water nearby, that is where I wanted to be. I would look up marinas, find a way to go to the beach, see the harbor, visit the ships not teethered to shore, anything to see the water, be close to the water, make that connection, although brief.

I have been a sailor all my life, and possibly a prior one or two. That is all I have dreamed of. Owning a sailboat and sailing wherever the winds took me. Based upon my upbringing, my dream was set to begin sometime in my late 50's or early 60's or later. My conversation was something to this effect: "Once I retire, I'll learn how to sail, I'll buy a sailboat and I'll sailing off into the sunset."

My father died at the early age of 44. Some years ago when I was approaching 40, it dawned on me, as it does all children that lose a parent at a young age, that I may not make it to my retirement or even to live as long as my father. So why have I set aside the one thing I long to do until I am old and retired? Why don't I look into it now? "I couldn't possibly buy a boat. They are much too expensive and on top of that, I don't know how to sail." This was my new conversation.
I heard that a sailboat race, a regatta, as they are called, was taking place on Grapevine Lake in Grapevine, Texas, just west of Dallas. I found out they need volunteers, so I volunteered. I got to be around the water and sailboats. I was in heaven. I had to endure some interesting comments given the race was sponsored by Hooters. I hadn't noticed any of them hooters...well, only if they were blocking the view of the boats. :O)

I introduced myself to some of the sailors and managed to get to ride in one as it motored back to a slip. I was ecstatic. As I walked back to my car, I passed by a bulletin board. I saw boats for sale. 100k, 50k, 20k, 16k, 3k. Hmmm what does a three thousand dollar boat look like?